When Fair Isn’t Equal: How Unconscious Bias Shapes Culture

Bias isn’t always loud. Sometimes, it whispers, and we still need to listen.

Once, while overhearing my daughter in her final group project for her master’s (yes, I said master’s), I caught one of the young white men on the call saying, "I don’t know what I’m doing half the time, but I just use big words and get away with it."

I once worked at a hotel with quite a unique setup. When I walked into my shift, I could have been checking guests in, doing the nightly audits, working at the bar serving up conversation and cocktails, or hiding away in the kitchen prepping for the morning breakfast. This particular night, I was at the bar.

I met this lovely couple from New Orleans who started to tell me about their restaurant and their children, who had also gone into the restaurant business. They discussed the sacrifices they made, often foregoing personal comforts to ensure their staff was properly compensated and had adequate insurance. I was impressed. Such integrity. They invited me to visit Louisiana to explore all the exciting happenings. They started recommending hotels, events, etc., and then it quickly turned into, "Well, if you can't afford it, you can stay with us and work it off."

Wait. Was I a guest in this conversation or an indentured servant?

But curious about where the conversation was headed, I didn't object. I let it flow. The next thing I know, the husband was ranting about how Bill Cosby said if Black people would only educate their kids... But wait, what made you assume I wasn’t educated? Or that Black people aren’t? Based on what they told me, I was more educated than both them and their children.

According to data from the National Center for Education Statistics, Black women are one of the most educated groups in the United States. Yet that persistent narrative that we’re under-educated still finds its way into casual conversation.

I seethed underneath. But in order to cope in the moment, I had to filter and understand that this issue had several factors at play. They seemed so genuine and sweet in our initial conversation. I had to revert to logic rather than emotion to understand how stereotypes and experience play into one's beliefs. Whether about women, men, black people, white people, asians, south-east asians,  we all have them. And most of us tend to cast a wide net and judge by group, rather than the content of one's character.

Martin Luther King Jr. once said, "I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character." While we all share the experience of being human, we are not experiencing life in the same way. Cultural, familial, and personal experiences, not to mention the mighty media, all shape how we view others.

Then we bring all of that into the workplace. We decide who is capable based on race, names, ethnicity, gender, age, sexual orientation, and disabilities. Who is "well spoken." Who has the right to be angry? Who is innocent, weak, strong, or likely to make mistakes? The list goes on.

Once, while overhearing my daughter in her final group project for her master’s (yes, I said master’s), I caught one of the young white men on the call saying, "I don’t know what I’m doing half the time, but I just use big words and get away with it."

How many of us can get away with that?

Let’s not even talk about navigating corporate environments when you're a generational first, trying to learn the social code you weren’t groomed to know. Gaps in social modalities don’t necessarily mean gaps in skills or qualifications. That’s why we have to teach critical thinking, emotional intelligence, and how to become aware of our own biases.

Assuming that the couple were as nice as they seemed, their kindness didn’t stop a plethora of poor assumptions rooted in misinformation. Just like in corporate culture, good intentions don’t erase harm. That’s why it’s crucial to learn how to make decisions based on new patterns and new reference points, not old stereotypes and assumptions.

Because truly seeing others begins with the courage to understand yourself and the humility to know there’s more to life than what you’ve lived and what you know.

By Renee Asher.